Do Not Flush While Seated on Toilet

Most of us aboard an airliner would give such a sign a casual glance and hurry to do our business before the plane hits unexpected turbulence and the "Return to Cabin" sign flashes on.

But to Garrison Keillor, the sign suggests all kinds of comic possibilities, and that is what makes him different from you and me. (That and an extraordinary literary talent.)

The toilet-seat warning led him to write an entire column on the subject for Salon.com yesterday. Among his shrewd observations is the distinct possibility that the sign was devised by lawyers to soften the frightening truth:

"Flushing While Seated May Suck Your Colon Out Of You And Cut You A New Orifice While Changing Your Gender In Ways You Don't Even Want To Think About."